Those Phrases from A Dad That Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was just in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You are not in a good place. You require some help. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a family member, your spouse or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I believe my job is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."